We Don’t Always Have to Win

We all want to win. This is human nature.

We will not always win. This is also human nature.

We don’t always have to win. That is a beatitude.

You know when someone says something mean to you, and right there in that moment, you can’t think of something equally mean to say right back. Or you have an argument and somehow, the other person seems to be having the final say. They win. Moments later, it occurs to you, all the smart things you could have said in the moment- valid points, maybe even the meanest things to win the argument. You loose, and you don’t like that feeling.

You also know when you act in good faith: loan someone money expecting them to return it but they do not, they even make you feel like you are begging them your own money back. Or you pay for a service which is not delivered or at the least delivered to your satisfaction, it is as if the service provider is doing you a favour. Or one of the most popular ones, a front desk person who welcomes you with a type of arrogance for no apparent reason, it makes you feel so belittled.

In all these situations, you know you have the ability to put all these people right back into their place with just a few words. You can maybe speak to them, or you can maybe speak to their manager (but for that loan, maybe you need a sheriff to get the money back).

Some of us are inclined to always fight back. Sometimes the need to fight back lingers for a short moment, but sometimes we can carry on a few years trying to think of ways to get back to the people who outsmart us. You can never let anyone get away with making you feel so small. You want to show them who yo are **snap your fingers twice. 

Some of us can easily let go of things; partly because most things don’t matter, partly because we may not be set up for the fight-life personality-wise (such heavenly beings).

A few Sundays ago, the pastor at church preached an example of dealing with online trolls and why the best thing is not to engage. You really cannot win. If you know, you know.

I think that the real challenge is not that you did not have the final say to an argument, or that you did not think of the meanest things to say quickly and in the moment, or that you did you speak to the manager to exercise your muscle and put someone below your pay grade in their rightful place.

The real challenge is that there is something in us that struggle to accept that we do not always have to win.that is one of the most graceful, most peaceful attitudes to

We all want to win.

We will not always win.

We don’t always have to win

When we are outsmarted, when we are downplayed, when we are hurt, when we are loosing, it is really, really, really important to learn very quickly that winning is not everything. To live at peace with everyone, in as far as it depends on you is everything!

Your truly has never been more at peace.

The truest element of freedom.

A gentle spirit is not weakness. You have not yet realized the power of unspoken words. You really need to know how emasculating humility can be.

There is a reason why the meek will inherit the earth. 




  1. Olivia

    Well said, I love this. I don’t know why and how, but this article has spoken to me on so many levels. I am inspired and motivated. I don’t have to always win or answer back. And true your words. There is indeed a reason why the meek will inherit the earth.

  2. oxblood orange

    This is really beautiful …and not easy to practice. And that’s mainly because more often than not, it’s quite satisfying (I actually had “orgasmic” in mind) to dish out biting rejoinders to those we deem deserving…..and in the appropriate dose of course😋. But then, to what end?
    Thank you Chifundo!

    By the way, I saw the link to your blog on Dr. Sandra Onwuekwe’s status….and she was right, these are really some words of wisdom.

    1. Chifundo Chilera

      I can relate to that ‘orgasm’. I know the thrills. Truly. But like you, I ask myself to what end? So now, out here dishing a peculiar calm 😎 that’s the real “can’t touch this”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s