I had a chat with a senior colleague the other day. She offered me some wisdom which I wanted to fight and argue against, but actually, it’s giving!!
She said, that as we grow and progress- starting families, settling down, getting comfortable in our jobs- we begin to realize that we cannot just easily change things. There are many factors to consider. You just can’t move to a new city, or change jobs, or leave your day job to pursue your passion, or even go back to school to upgrade your qualifications.
So because of that, it is important to understand that option A may longer be on the cards (that’s your best case scenario). This is the point you start to realize, that while there are no limits, there are factors that affect your pursuit of your wildest ambitions. As they say, ‘the dream is free but the hustle is sold separately’. And here you are, hustling. Adulting!
So now you are stuck with option B- which you didn’t expect, you didn’t plan for or you may outright not want (think childcare, family commitments, healthcare costs, mortgages, aging parents and so on). It all comes for you and make you stay put.
She said, that the important thing is to know that you are shooting for the middle. Not the bottom (don’t slack). And not the top (you are not performing at your best, at the moment). But the middle. You are aiming for the middle. Something just about average. Learn to love the middle. Embrace the middle. Enjoy the middle. That option B is now your best bet.
Then, she said, after a while, we enter another stage of life (and it will come, wait for it). That stage is lighter (by God’s grace, or your stroke of luck). The kids are older, you are financially stable, you are powering through grief and loss, and hopefully, you have been going to therapy and you are eat well and try to stay healthy. A lot of the chaos of the 30’s (and 40’s?!) will have hopefully become calmer.
It’s like a new lease to life. You get another boost of energy. And your options at that time are no longer A or B or C. You get a new lease to life, that the options don’t matter anymore. And you will do far much more amazing things… Wait for it!
And for someone who is right in the middle of that chaos, I just can’t argue with this.
She recommended to read Option B, the book.
Chifundo Chilera 